It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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