Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
