went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
