is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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