she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Can I color on your dick again?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I AM VODKA MAN
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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