Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
