you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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