So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
