just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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