Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
