This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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