Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Randomize
