The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
