Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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