I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
