I could make wine with my vomit
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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