did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
