ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
