Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
