just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
