Me too!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
