these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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