Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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