I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
