Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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