I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
