Fuck appropriateness.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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