I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's shark week go big or go home
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
