So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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