Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize