I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Randomize
