wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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