First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
