He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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