Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
