i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I FOUND THE LEGS
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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