I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she told me i tasted like america
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
