Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
