I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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