saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
