And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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