yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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