she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
