is your mom at the bar?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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