The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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