she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
