I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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