Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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