He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
