I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
