I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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