Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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