sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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