He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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