Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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