He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
