Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
