The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize