Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
