I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
