Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
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is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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