im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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