My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
