Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
