And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
