he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
