Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
