no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
