I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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