how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
