so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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