We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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