So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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