I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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