Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
