Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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