And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
