is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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